Keeping your Cool when Things are Getting HOT!

Creating, Maintaining, and Upholding Personal Boundaries with Negative and Manipulative People

In life, we all encounter individuals who wear a mask in public—charming, engaging, and seemingly kind—yet behind closed doors, they reveal a different side, one that is manipulative, toxic, or even cruel. One of the most common red flags is when someone frequently speaks negatively about others in private. If they do this with you, chances are they do it about you as well. Recognizing these behaviors and setting strong personal boundaries is essential to protecting your peace, energy, and self-worth.

Recognizing Manipulative Behavior

Manipulative individuals often engage in:

• Gossip and Backstabbing – They habitually talk about others negatively, sowing discord and mistrust.

• Guilt-Tripping – They make you feel responsible for their emotions or actions.

• Gaslighting – They distort the truth to make you question your reality.

• Playing the Victim – They shift blame to avoid accountability.

If you notice these behaviors in someone you interact with regularly, it’s time to reassess your boundaries.

How to Establish Strong Boundaries

1. Recognize When Someone is Overstepping – If you feel drained, anxious, or manipulated after interactions, this is a sign that your boundaries are being pushed.

2. Stay Neutral When Gossip Arises – Instead of engaging, change the subject or say something neutral like, “I’d rather not talk about them when they’re not here.”

3. Set Clear Expectations – Let the person know directly that you won’t participate in negativity or manipulation.

4. Limit Your Exposure – If possible, reduce the amount of time you spend around negative individuals.

5. Use Assertive Communication – If confronted with toxicity, be firm but respectful: “I don’t appreciate that kind of talk.”

6. Trust Your Instincts – If someone makes you feel uncomfortable, trust that feeling and act accordingly.

7. Surround Yourself with Positive Influences – Seek relationships that uplift, encourage, and respect your boundaries.

Upholding Boundaries When They Are Tested

Manipulative people don’t like when their tactics stop working. They may:

• Try to guilt-trip you into engaging with them.

• Spread false rumors or attempt to damage your reputation.

• Act overly kind to reel you back in before returning to old behaviors.

When this happens, remember:

• You Are Not Responsible for Their Feelings – Setting boundaries is about protecting your well-being, not catering to their comfort.

• You Do Not Have to Explain Yourself – “No” is a complete sentence.

• Distance is Healthy – Cutting ties with toxicity is an act of self-care.

Final Thoughts

If someone talks negatively about others to you, you can be sure they talk about you when you’re not around. The key is to recognize these behaviors, set firm boundaries, and protect your peace. Life in Sessions is about self-growth, self-awareness, and creating a life that aligns with your values. Surround yourself with those who uplift, inspire, and respect you—because you deserve nothing less.